Mom, I really miss you today. I'm finding it hard to be an OK parent, let alone a good or great parent. Moving into pre-teen years is harder than I expected...especially when the pre-teen is too smart for her own good.
We never really got to talk a lot about parenting, but I know what it is I miss being able to ask you ....
How am I supposed to be able to answer the hard questions that I never thought about until I was at least 30 years old?
How am I supposed to allow her to grow into this beautiful non-child person... when I just want to hold her close to me, to protect her and shield her?
How am I supposed to allow her to feel all her emotions as she figures out her place in this world... when all I want to do is be able to wipe away the tears and promise her it will eventually work out?
How am I supposed to allow her to test her boundaries and push the envelope...when I just want to provide opportunities where she will be successful and appreciated?
How am I supposd to allow her to embrace the wonderful girl I see lurking inside her...when I feel so out of touch with what it means to be a strong, independent, fierce woman?
How am I supposed to allow her to change...when all I want is to marvel at her first 11 years of life?
Mom, how do I give the world such an amazingly sarcastic, witty, loving, angry, scared, open-minded, sweet, colorful, phenominal, strong human being, just to do with her as it wants?
And then I feel your hug, your tears, and your voice as you remind me, she was never just mine...she is a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend. She is herself. She was always meant to do amazing things, to bring about amazing things, to be an amazing person...to make a difference in this world. I just happened to be lucky enough to get to share the ride with her. And that is how I can be a great parent...to be her parent.
